A beer-off: Hoptathlon Part 1

A beer-off – we have already had one of those a few weeks ago during the Olympics, and it certainly is the kind of competition any beer lover would spill a few litres of something better than swill to be a part of. What are the rules? Let me make some up that fit the bill, which will be a HOP-tathlon. Rule #1: All competitors must self-declare by label description some form of legitimate affiliation to hummulus lupulus. Rule #2: There must be seven different competitions; Rule #3: The competitors must each be of a different beer style; Rule #4: Competitors must have a different provenance; Rule #5: All competitors must be beers - innovative ciders and wines, malt beverages, coolers made with hops, or urine do not qualify as a legitimate entries.

This beer-off involves a field of rather unequal competitors. I realize this may not necessarily the best set-up to the purist, but other purists will agree that a selection of beers with very different talents makes for some adventurous competition. Besides, today’s choice of entries resulted from a fine buzz. We have, therefore, a self-declared IPA from British Columbia – the Hophead by Tree Brewing in Kelowna; a self-declared Almost Pale Ale from Ontario – the Hoptical Illusion by Flying Monkeys Brewery in Barrie; and, the most exotic and strangest entrant, a self-declared strong IPA from Quebec – the Oxymor by la Microbrasserie Pit Caribou in Anse-à-Beaufils. A level playing field could be said to exist because none of these beers come from a large or well-known urban centre and none are from outside of Canada. Otherwise, the three have very little in common other than the fact that they claim to hop - perfect for the craziness of the hop-off! The competition will involve the following dimensions of performance: Serving format, label, bottle cap, appearance, foam, hops flavours, and malt flavours.

 

Right from the start we know that the Oxymor has the first competition in the bag – it is the only one not in Midget Extinguisher format, coming in a respectable 500 ml bottle. Indeed, the Hophead comes in last at only 330 ml, even smaller than the standard Canadian Midget Extinguisher of 341 ml. Hoptical Illusion comes in slightly above that sad standard, with 355 ml (this would be a European Midget Extinguisher size – how odd for a beer from otherwise white bread and Hamburger oriented Ontario cottage country). At 7% alcohol/vol. the Oxymor also packs more punch than the Hophead, which comes in second at 5.6% and Hoptical Illusion at a mere 5%.

The line-up:

 

Next, we look at the labels. As I have mentioned before, beers from Quebec have some very interesting artwork on their labels, and the Oxymor is no exception. What a fine image – presaging a strong brew that will make the taste buds of the average Molson or Labatt drinker peel off his tongue in fright. But Hoptical Illusion also has intriguing and almost whimsical label artwork, featuring a number of playful design elements and colours that make you want to walk on the ceiling from all the acid on the floor. The Hophead has no main label, only a neck label showing some deliciously green hop cones. The results of this round are that Hoptical Illusion and Oxymor share first place, with Hophead coming in third. While I could give credit to the unique proprietary bottle design of the Hophead, I wonder how practical it is and how much resources Tree Brewing has to put into having enough bottles at hand at any given point in time.

Flying Monkey Hoptical Illusion - wouldn't you like to check out Pete's Beer Emporium?

This must be the Brew House in Barrie

Drinking an Almost Pale Ale feels like flying through a rainbow in a truck.

The Oxymor label reminds me of the album cover of No Mean City by Nazareth

Nice hop cones, but otherwise less spectacular.

Our third event examines the bottle caps. This one is a no-brainer – particularly suitable for all of you who have no brains left because of excessive beer consumption. Oxymor comes in last because the cap has … well nothing to show. The judge even contemplates deducting marks for this performance, but . The Hophead bottle is sealed by a cap evocative of the Brewery name, with an elegant design and appealing colours. Finally, Hoptical Illusion’s bottle cap comes in on top in this competition, with a label that exemplifies craft brewing zaniness. The cap also has colours that well match the label and evokes the brewery’s name. 

 My head is spinning just looking at this cap - The doors of Beer-perception!

 Nice tree!

 Ho-hum, at best!

Moving on to the more exciting parts of the competition, I start pouring each beer into a glass, trying to build a nice head. This will serve as the basis for the next two hoppy disciplines: Appearance and foam. Oxymore and Hoptical Illusion both have a darker hue than the Hophead, indicating the use of more pale malts in the latter and validating its IPA style. Hoptical Illusion is the clearest of the three brews, with Hophead showing some opaqueness and Oximor being almost cloudy. Together, we have to give the edge to Hoptical Illusion here because it is an “Almost Pale Ale” with superior clarity. Oxymor comes in last because unlike its claim, it is not very pale and makes one wonder about excessive yeast residue (the empty bottle was clear, so we can be somewhat reassured). 

The position of the three competitors below is the same as in the above line-up picture.

Examining the three heads (always better than just one), the cap on the Oxymor is quite impressive, showing remarkable stability, fine miniscule bubbles, and a fascinating volcano shape. The other two contestants are equal to the task, each building a fine mount of creamy suds with a tempting mountainous peak. How I’d love to fall into one of those never to be seen again. A three-way tie is probably the fairest judgment here, but Oxymor gets a hop-notch ahead because of its wonderful shape.

Oxymore from the top:
 

Hoptical Illusion:

 

Hophead's head:

  
Part 2 to follow soon, with the grande finale and total scores - who will be the winner?